Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
