You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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