We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
