I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
