Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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