everyone is single if you try hard enough
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
