morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
