I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
