Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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