My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
