what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
