Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
