Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Randomize
