we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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