YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will pee on everything he values.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
