I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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