ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
