Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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