So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
