You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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