I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
