I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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