They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
