she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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