And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
