The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
