hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
