You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
