We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
