Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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