I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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