youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
