i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
