It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How does one acquire holy water?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
