Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
