What a fucking waste of an outfit
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
