I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
