Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
