he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
