those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
