You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
