I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When are your genitals available?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
