Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
