Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
