Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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