you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
