Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
