so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
