she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
