Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just high enough for therapy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
