sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He did a backflip because drugs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
