I'm really into asian looking animals
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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