you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
