; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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